Angel of Hope
I finally decided which shadow picture to show in photography. I have no idea why I worry about which one to choose, but for some reason, I felt as if this picture became more than a picture to me. Unexpectedly, as I told the backstory of the angel figurine I used in the picture, the more significant the picture became. I thought I just took the figurine off my shelf because I liked how her shadow was cast against the wall.
In 2006, my mom was diagnosed with Stage IIIC ovarian cancer. I thought visualizing hope would be good for both of us. I found this angel to sit beside her night stand so at night she could look over at this angel and visualize a real angel looking after her–no matter WHAT happened. When my mom passed away a year later, I removed the angel from her night stand and placed her guiding light in my study.
Yesterday, as I started taking the pictures of this angel, I started to focus on how I wanted my mom to see the angel–as a guide. I now wonder if I bought this angel for myself to help guide me to what was inevitably to come–a life without a mom to guide me through the rest of my life. If I ever get married, she won’t ever be at my wedding (yea, guide me to that man, Angel of Hope!) she was missed deeply at my doctoral graduation, and she will never celebrate another Christmas with me again (oh the fun we had decorating our trees!). There is definitely a void in my life that will never feel filled by anything or anyone other than what a mom could fill.
Now as I pondered which picture to choose and as I considered my friends’ suggestions, I decided this picture was the one that told my story of the angel. I like that the focus is on the lantern because light guides us, and the shadow symbolizes my mom as MY angel who casts shadows in my life to remind me she is still looking after me. I still have a journey to take and this angel who sits in my study, and unbeknownst to me until now, is helping me fulfill my life’s journey and dreams. Thanks to photography, I got to capture a feeling I had no idea I needed to capture.
{ 3 comments }
thanks for sharing that. very touching.
I understand perfectly what you are saying about the hope of getting married mixed with the sorrow that your mom will never be there to celebrate.
Beautiful photograph and beautiful story Janet. I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is hard work and a difficult journey! You’ll feel the loss in new ways as your circumstances change. I hope you can find peace and comfort in special memories like the angel. Your mom must have been a special lady to raise such a creative, intelligent, humorous person. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Beautifully expressed…